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Conversations in the Wind

You must have crossed my mind
A thousand times
In the years
That came after you
So eventually, I just got used to
Pushing thoughts of you aside
Getting on with my life
Despite missing you
Because sometimes
Love is a madness
That traps its memories
In our heads
Not letting us forget
Its occurrence in our lives
Or its significance, because
Love is also a miracle
That changes us, in ways
That cannot be erased
Or undone
Even long after it is gone

So, you became a secret
A treasured keepsake
Of days gone by
Stored carefully away
In my closet
Hidden
And out of sight
But never really forgotten
Cherished forever
Like a tattered old photograph
That remembers the past
Or a sentimental memento
Crammed into a shoebox
Of the precious things
We just can’t throw away
Items that keep our memories alive
The same way that love does
And always will
Because it sometimes still
Surprises me
Into remembering you
And all the things
I never said
And the conversations
We never had
The unresolved leftovers
And unanswered questions
That clouded my days
Like a hangover
Of wondering and regret
Unintentional comparisons
That shadowed me
While I waited
For your memory
To fade away
And to be set free

And I was doing alright
Mindful of the many blessings
In my life
When late one winter’s night
You came back for a visit
Reaching out to me in a vision
For I had felt you there
Taking my hands in yours
And I was only too eager
To escape with you again
So I continued listening
To conversations in the wind
Opening up my mind
And letting myself believe
That what I was experiencing
Was something important and real
Like a chance for healing
Or, for closure
For it was on that night
That I had reopened my heart
And let your memory
Escape into the night

Foolishness, perhaps
But sometimes a daydream
Is actually a message
Of a risk worth taking
And so, with that in mind
I had plunged myself
Wholeheartedly
Back into remembering
All the good stuff
Like, how it had felt
To be falling in love
And I rediscovered
The joy in the music
And it filled up my heart
As I began writing down words
I’d never spoken, to anyone
Letting go of my old secrets
And emptying myself of you
My soul displayed
On pages upon pages
Of redundant poetry
From all these years
Of endless introspection
The unfinished business
Of just wanting you to know
That I had only been waiting
For the right time, or a sign
Or a change in our circumstances
And that there are things
I had once said
For which I am sorry

But maybe on that night
Like all those years ago
You were only intended as a gift
To undo my hardened heart
Because I was once a mess
Of past wounds
And bad relationships
That had made me
Cynical and afraid
Before my humbling came
In the guise of a broken heart
And though nothing
Can ever suffice
For a lifetime of silence
I am listening now
To conversations in the wind
No longer hiding out or running
And if we were ever to meet again
What could I possibly say
That hasn’t already
Been written down
Besides nothing
Or goodbye

And I hope you don’t mind
My remembering you in a poem
From time to time
Because some things in life
Defy any rational explanations
And for some strange reason
You have always been
Really important to me
And I love the special place
You hold in my heart
So if we were only meant
To meet in my daydreams
Or fly together in the wind
It’s an idea
That no longer hurts me
And with these remembrances
And snapshots of my life
Transformed into stories
And committed to paper
I have released my secrets
Like conversations in the wind
And I am grateful
To be freed