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Lost In A Wish

You came into my life
Like an unexpected gift
The embodiment of a dream
That my heart recognized
In an instant
For there you had stood
So provocative and surreal
Holding my attention
Like an enchantment
And winning my affection
With your smile
But the best surprise came
When our eyes finally met
For I had felt
Such an incredible rush
Of excitement
That it had made me blush
Everywhere
So for a few more moments
I just stared
Aware that my whole world
Had stopped
And that I was breathless
As I began wondering
What it would be like
To be held in your arms
For a kiss
So, right there and then
I had made a wish
That one day
You and I would kiss

But this was way back
When I was so hopelessly
Enamoured with you
That I would come undone
Every time I saw you
And you had no idea
That you were the reason
My heart went soaring
To places it had never been
Or that you held me captive
In my imagination
Becoming the compass
Of all my daydreams
That suddenly all seemed
To revolve around you
And it was unbelievable
How much I wanted you
Head over heels
But running away from myself
Because I felt unready
And out of control
Imagining all kinds
Of crazy possibilities
That just couldn’t be real
Erotic and romantic fantasies
That nonetheless
Came into my nights
And had me tossing and turning
Ever deeper into the wilds
Of falling for you
As I dreamt

But later, just worn out
From the futility of it all
For you were already
In love with someone else
So I kept my distance
Putting up walls of resistance
To stop the hurting
Closing myself off
And hiding my true feelings
But still always hoping
That we might eventually
Get it together
Though in the end
It was just a daydream
About a kiss
That never was

And yeah,
It was a ridiculous infatuation
But delicious, nevertheless
Bursting with desperation
And fraught with all the doubt
And uncertainty
That hallmarks our youth
Like a school girl crush, really
For it was all consuming
In its moments
And I was completely taken
Enjoying all its sensations
While watching and waiting
To see what would happen
With your girlfriend situation
Though eventually, I did give up
Believing it was fate
Or some kind of cruel life lesson
Because I was secretly still wishing
For that kiss

And to be truthful, that wish
Is a memory
That haunted me for years
Like a fucking Energizer battery
That just keeps on and on
Replaying my stupidity
Because I had invested
My whole heart in that wishing
When maybe
I should have been talking
So that, one way or another
All of this could have ended
Right there, where it all started
A very long time ago

Because these days, I get
That we are left to the mercy
Of what are minds remember
And that some things
We just never forget
Not even if we tried
Like someone we once loved
Or the dreams we somehow lost
And there is no going back
For that kiss I had wanted
And no way to ever fix
The regret I created
Or get rid of the feeling
That something was missing
Like the ending of a story
That leaves you guessing
Hanging on or searching
For an epilogue
That never was

And as I catch myself yet again
Drifting into thoughts of you
It only makes me smile
Because after all this time
It’s just an old memory of mine
About a wish I once made
And a dream I once lost
About a kiss I had desperately wanted
Back, when I thought I knew everything
But really, knew nothing at all
And these days, I do see
That a part of me
Got lost in that wish
Lost in a dream
I once stumbled upon
Imagining what might have been
And longing for a kiss
That never was
A kiss
I had desperately wanted