When The Blood Runs Cold

My partner, my lover
My husband, their father
Was meant to be my best friend
And my forever
But he was just a clever liar
And he fooled me completely
With a disguise of respectability
That had resembled the sensibility
I thought that I needed
After giving up
On romantic notions of love
That hadn’t worked out

Distracted by a clock ticking
In the background of my mind
And previously wounded
My heart was still healing
And had screwed up my thinking
For I was blind to the magnitude
Of the compromise I was making
When I fell hook, line and sinker
For this wolf in sheep’s clothing

Charmed by the words I was hearing
And the facade I was seeing
I had thought I was accepting
A more mature version of love
When I welcomed his promises
Of a marriage and a family
So for the longest time, I trusted him
Unaware that he was conning me
And ignorant of the wickedness
He had kept hidden from me
That would unravel my married world

And I could only watch helplessly
As he gradually changed before me
Into someone quite unpredictable
Irritable and frightening
Until he eventually got so angry
That I could see the rage
Lurking beneath his threatening
And I became afraid of him
No longer able to deny the obvious
Malevolence taking over his soul
So I began walking on eggshells
Aware that my blood ran cold
As the clock kept ticking

And when his final dagger was spoken
I was already caged and broken
But it was nonetheless
A terrifying moment
That began a much greater torment
And had me plotting my escape
And though no bruises would ever be found
The damage of his words was still profound
Just a little whispered secret
That made my whole world shatter
“I could kill you, you know…
And no one would ever find you”

Those awful words so softly spoken
By this Jekyll and Hyde I had married
Who suddenly seemed far worse
Than just a moody wolf or a fake
And he became my private horror
And my greatest mistake
But, he had been my partner
And he had been my lover
And I had loved him
Which is why it’s something
I struggled to get over
But I did manage to escape
With the blessing of two children
And life has been pretty good
Now that we are safe
So mostly I never think of it
Except for these rare moments
When I catch myself wondering
If I’ll ever recover enough
To trust any man again
Or whether I even want to

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